Tangerine Eggnog

Name: Tangerine Eggnog
Prep time: 1 min
Total time: 2 min
Ingredients: 1 tangerine; 1 oz amber rum; 1 oz Grand Marnier; 4 oz eggnog; pinch freshly grated nutmeg, for garnish

December 17, 2019

Taste and Tipple

Recipe

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Let’s Get Blitzen: Cocktail Advent Calendar – Day 17 – Tangerine Eggnog. I can feel your skepticism from here. If you’re wondering why I would dream of putting orange liqueur and tangerine peel in combination with eggnog, think of a delicious citrus curd.

Eggs and citrus are a natural pairing in desserts, like in this Vanilla Pavlova with Blood Orange Curd. I’m simply applying the same principle to cocktails.

Eggnog is so rich and creamy – I feel its best served as a replacement for dessert or a standalone treat. If you have it to begin your night and then proceed to consume sparkling wine cocktails, wine, and any number of other spirits, your stomach might question your life choices later that night.

Aside from navigating the challenges of which order to consume your cocktails in, the holiday season always brings a complicated series of greeting rituals with close family, extended family you don’t like very much, dear friends, acquaintances and frenemies.

I was at a Christmas party over the weekend and we got to talking about the complexity of all the greeting possibilities, especially in company where you’re seeing old friends and complete strangers.

There’s the handshake, the hug, the double kiss, the secret handshake, the triple kiss, the Christian hug that leaves room for the Holy Ghost by keeping your pelvises as far apart as possible while awkwardly patting one another on the shoulder/upper back – the possibilities are endless.

It can get particularly awkward if you haven’t wordlessly mutually agreed upon the approach you’re going to implement with the person you’re about to greet. You go in for the hug and they jab you in the gut with their extended hand. They spring the double kiss on you when you were just going for the hug and then they end up putting their tongue in your ear.

It’s a real predicament. But, I have a solution. A universal greeting proposition to solve all your holiday party woes.

All you need to do is employ these few simple steps. Approach the person you’re about to greet (henceforth referred to as the “greetee”) with confidence. Have your right arm fully extended at your side, palm open, facing the greetee. Step towards the greetee but maintain an arm’s length distance. Then, swing your open palm at an even tempo and cup their genitals. Shake firmly. Release after two Mississippis.

Benefits of this approach include: bypassing any false modesty, establishing dominance, getting a good feel for the other person, discerning their preference for boxers or briefs, sending their romantic partner into a fit of jealousy, never being invited to social gatherings again, and thus, never having to contend with the awkwardness of greetings.

Boom – problem solved. If you do choose to employ the universal greeting, please report back with your notes. If you decide this approach is off-brand for you, consider offering them a glass of this Tangerine Eggnog instead.