Blueberry Broccoli Salad with Ranch Dressing

Name: Blueberry Broccoli Salad with Ranch Dressing
Prep time: 15 min
Cook time: 3 min
Total time: 18 min
Ingredients: 4 cups fresh baby spinach; 2 cups chopped broccoli; 1 cup blueberries; ½ cup crumbled goat cheese; ⅓ cup dried cherries; ½ cup pecans (toasted and salted); ½ cup plain greek yogurt; ¼ cup of buttermilk; ¼ cup mayonnaise; 1 clove garlic (minced); ½ tsp lemon juice; 1 tsp poppy seeds; ½ tsp dried parsley; ½ tsp dried dill; ¼ tsp onion powder; ¼ tsp smoked paprika; ¼ tsp garlic powder to taste; ⅛ tsp sea salt; ⅛ tsp black pepper

June 12, 2020

Taste and Tipple

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I realized it’s been a hot second since I posted a salad recipe and with the warmer weather comes an inclination towards lighter, leafy meals. This blueberry broccoli salad with homemade ranch dressing is just the ticket.

To be completely honest, I often don’t like ranch. Cool Ranch Doritos are my least favourite flavour and the store-bought ranch dressing served with chicken wings is gross. The only example of ranch that I LOVE is the kind served with the fried chicken bao at Ottawa restaurant Datsun.

The poppyseed ranch I’ve paired with this salad is a very close approximation of the variety on offer at Datsun. Basically, I want to put it on everything.

I have to be honest with you, I’m more excited about this ranch dressing than I am about my dating prospects. In the past couple of weeks, I’ve started swiping on Bumble again.

I thought I was ready. I thought I had hit the reset button on my dating mentality and that I could return to the platform magnanimous and unflappable. But the first handful of interactions I’ve had since rejoining the congregation of celibate (or not-so-celibate singles) has been an unkind reminder of just how miserable the dating pool in Ottawa is.

My first digital suitor – a handsome, tall, 30-year-old lawyer – nearly dispatched entirely with pleasantries and suggested we “unite” after exchanging about four messages.

Putting aside the fact that we’re living in the midst of a global pandemic, I asked, “What do you normally do for dates during quarantine?” To which he replied, “Usually they come to my place, or I go to theirs, or we might outside somewhere.” Again, skipping lightly over the fact that this guy clearly has made no attempt to physically distance, I said, “Well, I’d be down to meet up in a park over the weekend for a drink.”

He says, “Oh, a park.” Disappointment coming through loud and clear. I reply, “What were you hoping for, a roll in the hay?” To which this charmer says, “Well yeah, that’s the obvious answer.”

So to be clear, this dude hasn’t made even a passing effort to get to know me, operates on the unspoken assumption that my only valuable contribution would be physical, and thinks that I’m going to jump at the opportunity to hop on his dick, without even the weakest attempt at conversational foreplay.

I simply replied to his disappointment, “I’m not looking for something strictly physical. Not because I’m a romantic, just because I prefer to have good sex.”